I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
