Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
