To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize