I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
