Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
