I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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