Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
