I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
