For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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