She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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