just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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