Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish my penis had a tongue
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
