I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
