remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
zippers are such a cool invention
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
