You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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