dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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