3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
