I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
