Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
