i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize