After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
