now i know why i became what i already was.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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