Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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