atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
