roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
