You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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