oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
