I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
