They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize