I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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