Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
