I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
