She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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