i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
