every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
