I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Randomize