You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love accidental penises.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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