is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
