Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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