quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Vodka?
Forever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
