I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
