1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A bitchslap is in order.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
