I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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