Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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