he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
