nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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