do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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