Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
