im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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