My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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