it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
