he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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