I am puke
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
