as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
