How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
