im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
