Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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