but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
