Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
