so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
