so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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