Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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