just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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