he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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