Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
