K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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