dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
