Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
