don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
