I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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