Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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