If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
