No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
